Revised book blurb

Thanks so much to everyone who commented on my draft blurbs yesterday. I considered the feedback and wrote a new version on the train this morning (and then revised it in my lunch break, so I could post it immediately – there’s that impatience again!). Obviously I couldn’t take everyone’s individual suggestions on board, but I’m keen to hear whether you think the version below is an improvement and what more could potentially be done to really hook the reader.

Revised blurb

Although Ceara Wilson and Seb Barkley are strangers, they have a few things in common. They’re both seventeen, due to move from their tiny hometowns to Brisbane for uni and both totally unhappy with the people they’ll be moving in with. For Ceara, it’s two people from high school who hate her. For Seb, it’s a weirdo cousin he hasn’t spoken to for years.

Ceara’s desperate for love, Seb’s desperate to get laid. As they move in a street away from each other and prepare to attend the same university, both think they know the challenges that lie ahead. But when Ceara’s best friend withdraws from her, Seb’s closest mate turns into a wanker and the relentless demands of uni increase their stress levels to the max, they realise that life in the big smoke will test them in ways they’d never imagined.

Before their first semester is over, both Seb and Ceara will be forced to question who they are and what they really want from their lives. Will they have the courage to find the answers, or will they crumble under the pressure?

Your turn

Let the comments rip! 😀

*Edit: do you think I should tone down the wording (e.g. ‘get laid’ and ‘wanker’) considering it will appear on the back of the book, on Amazon, and on other people’s blogs?*

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7 Comments

Filed under Self publishing, The Big Smoke

7 responses to “Revised book blurb

  1. Robyn Martin

    Love your enthusiasm Cally and like this version much more, although for me the juicy lure the reader in part begins in the 2nd para. Have you considered starting the blurb there and interweave the info you need from the 1st para. Have a play with it.

  2. If the book is going to be about a relationship between Ceara and Seb, I’d like to hear about them in relation to each other, if you know what I mean. “Ceara is desperate for love” doesn’t match up with a problem with her best friend. And Seb’s best friend turning into a wanker may or may not affect how he feels about Ceara – maybe not wanting to be around the wanker makes him appreciate Ciara and realize there’s more to her than just getting laid. If the book is not about a relationship between them, than I have the wrong idea! I guess what I’m saying is I’d like to feel how it hangs together – does that make sense? Right now the problems you mention seem a little like a list. I’d like to know how they fit together and/or affect each other so you can feel where the tension is.

  3. I was also unclear as to whether Ceara and Jeb would meet during the course of the story. Do they end up dating, or are they just friends or acquaintances?

  4. Thumbs up! Is the second sentence in paragraph two needed in a Blurb?
    If so something like their lives cross is more of a tease.. justsaying.

  5. From what I understand, a blurb needs to be a lot smaller. I think you have more of the heart of a query letter here and queries/blurbs are quite different. I think the first paragraph is unnecessary and that the soul seems to come from the second and third paragraph. I’m going to have a go at taking your words and seeing what I come up with as I feel you’re kind of struggling with this:

    Ceara Wilson and Seb Barkely live only one street apart, but are preparing to attend the same university. Life in the big smoke will test them in ways they’d never imagined. Before their first semester is over, both Seb and Ceara will be forced to question who they are and what they really want from their lives. Will they have the courage to find the answers, or will they crumble under the pressure?

    Ceara and Seb are about to find out that they have a lot in common.

    Anyway…that’s my take at writing a blurb for your book. Feel free to use all, some, or none of that. I think it’s the correct length anyway.

    –Mike

  6. I love the first line of the 2nd paragraph. Would like to see the whole thing start with that 😉

    Xx

  7. IMHO, I think it needs to be shorter. I learned this the hard way. My first two books have longer blurbs. You want something quick and snappy to gain the readers interest to purchase said book. You have about five seconds to hook the reader from the back blurb. I think you did a great job, but I just wanted to share my personal experience. I hope it works.

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