Tangled tension

Did you really expect me to run a blogfest without participating??

But considering I’m one of two judges who will be determining the top six, I’ll do the honourable thing and exclude my entries from the competition. 😀

If this is the first you’ve heard about the Power of Tension Blogfest, firstly, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL WEEK? Secondly, you can find out more info on this dedicated tension blogfest page.

Seeing as Tangled (my novel in progress) is told from two points of view, I thought it might be fun to show the different ways my two main characters describe and react to tension.

So, here’s goes!

Tension, Ceara style

Mum and Uncle Tom came out of the kitchen, and I could tell they were leaving before Mum even opened her mouth. If she could have read me as easily as I could her, she wouldn’t have left. She would have known that with each passing second, I was becoming more and more terrified about being left alone with those two. What was I going to do? How could I possibly make this work? I could barely contain the panic building inside me as Mum reached out and stroked my cheek.
    ‘We’ll leave you to it, Cee. Call if you need anything,’ she said.
    Uncle Tom pulled me in for a hug and I wondered if he could feel my heart thumping against my ribs. ‘Have fun, kiddo,’ he said.
    ‘Come on, Phoebes. Time to go,’ Mum called out.
    ‘Already?’ Phoebe came out of my bedroom with one of my Harry Potter books in her hand.
    I knelt down and hugged her tightly. ‘You can borrow the book, Phoebes,’ I said, trying to stop my voice from shaking. ‘I’ll be home to visit all the time.’
   She wrapped her skinny arms around my neck so tight she almost choked me. ‘Thanks, Cee. Love you.’
   I walked them out to the four-wheel-drive and, as they waved goodbye, I wrote ‘miss you’ in the dust on Phoebe’s door with my finger. My gaze followed the car until it disappeared over the hill.
The second they drove out of sight, I turned and walked straight to my bedroom. Then I s
hut the door, leaned against it, and tried to make my stupid, childish tears disappear.

Tension, Seb style

When I got home, I went straight to my room but then stopped in the doorway, cos Luke was standing at my desk. Even though he looked as guilty as hell, it still took me a few seconds to realise he was looking through my sketch book.
    ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I said.
    ‘I was just seeing if you had any dishes for the dishwasher. I wasn’t snooping or anything.’
    ‘That’s not what it looks like.’
    ‘This was already open, I swear. I couldn’t help noticing the pictures. They’re pretty… disturbing. You’re not, like, stalking someone, are you?’
    ‘They’re just drawings, dickhead. Get out of my room.’
    Luke raised his hands. ‘Whoa, you’re sounding pretty defensive. What’s going on? You’ve been acting weird all week.’
    ‘What part of “get out” don’t you understand?’ I lunged for him.
    I’d like to think I was just trying to scare him, but if he hadn’t ducked and run out, I reckon I probably would’ve decked him. I thought about chasing after him but decided to punch the wall instead.
    Great idea, that. Made my knuckles bleed. I’m lucky I didn’t punch a hole through the wall. Dad would’ve loved that.
    I came pretty close to ripping my sketch book up then. Just tearing it to pieces and throwing it out the window. Maybe chucking myself out after it too.
    But I didn’t do it, obviously. Just kicked the bed a few times, chucked my back pack on the floor and swore a lot.
After a while, a note came under my door. It was from Luke, telling me he was pissing off to his parents’ place for Easter and that I needed to get my shit together. What a friggen loser. I picked up the note and ripped it to bits.

Let me know what you think! And if you haven’t entered the blogfest yet, get your skates on. You’re running out of time! 🙂

Advertisements

41 Comments

Filed under Competitions, Rachel Morgan, Tension blogfest, Writers, Writing

41 responses to “Tangled tension

  1. Ooh, these are both so good. You’d better finish up Tangled pretty soon so I can read the whole thing 🙂 I think you’re intimidating me out of participating in the blogfest, though 🙂

  2. Whoa, something weird going on with the sketchbook. Makes me want to know what!! Great job and thanks for hosting 🙂

  3. The first one sounds so sad. I love the imagery of her writing “miss you” in the dust on her sister’s window, and that last sentence was great.

  4. gabriellan, I agree. That moment made me a little teary. I also like the insight from the character about her Mom not reading her well. So sad.

    The second one was crazy disturbing. That guy has a lot of anger, wow! Although in his defense, his roommate might not have wanted to criticize his drawings upon getting caught snooping 🙂

    • Thanks, Stephanie. Glad you enjoyed it!

      Hope Seb didn’t disturb you too much. In his defence, he’s just come a very intense, confronting scene prior to this and his sketchbook is like his version of a diary – very personal. 🙂

  5. Amy

    Cally those were both great! I can’t wait to read your book when it comes out, your such an amazing writer! 🙂

  6. I loved both of these. Both characters have distinctive voices. Is this set in Australia? I got that feel from Seb’s part.

    Thanks for hosting, Cally!

  7. Wow, I would totally read on from both excerpts! Good job 🙂

  8. Wow- THIS is what I aspire to. I have no words except maybe someday I hope to write this well. Thanks for giving me goals.

  9. I liked them both! Seb’s anger was particularly well written! Thanks for hosting this cool blogfest!

  10. Wow. Both pieces were brilliant, and left me wanting more! Thanks for co-hosting the blogfest.

    Power Of Tension Blogfest

  11. Vicki Tremper

    Great blogfest and great post, Cally! Thanks to you and Rachel. In your excerpts, you can definitely get a sense of their different voices, and each was quite tense. Great job!

  12. stu

    These are certainly tense situations. With the first one, I wonder if it might perhaps be interesting to note some of the signs the character’s mother should have been able to spot. If you phrase it as a question ‘couldn’t she see…’ then you even get that little bit of blame for her not being able to do so.

  13. Both good pieces. Lovely contrast too — internal and external tension. Thanks for hosting a fascinating blogfest. I only stumbled on it by accident, and just squeezed in the door.

  14. madeleine sara

    Two great examples of tension.
    This blogfest has been interesting seeing the different interpretations of tension: Sometimes it can be immediate and action packed; other times a feeling between two people who are attracted to one another and sometimes the pure conflict of moods between two people. :O)

  15. Very well done – great tension in both of these. I especially love Seb’s voice. And thanks for hosting the blogfest – I’ve really enjoyed it!

  16. Love both of your entries. I love the tension in books. Makes me want to read more and more.

  17. Pingback: Tension blogfest wrap-up | Cally Jackson Writes

  18. Wow, both of these are incredible! I really felt Ceara’s sadness and loneliness and I just wanted to hug her, and I enjoyed Seb’s fury, t00. Thanks for co-hosting the blogfest! 🙂

  19. Awww, poor Ceara! I remember those days so well. I totally feel for her.

    And I’m completely intrigued by Seb’s scene. I want to read more!

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s